dear myself

hi i just want to talk to myself. i lose myself again. macam jumpa jalan mati. ya Allah kuatkanlah semangat aku. i knew nobody is gonna pick me up except me. alaaa susahnyaaaa. rasa cam banyak sangat masalah. i just wanted to talk to someone. tapi why the person i wanna talk to selalu buat gaya macam tak nak cakap dengan aku. bila wassap balas lambat la, blutick la, balas sepatah sepatah la. eee geram laaa. in the end im the one will be going back and forth to hate you and coming back to you. ahh bencinyaa why i didnt have much person to talk to so i wont be so upset if one person like you ignore mee. i dont deserve thisss. i know i really dont...

there's so many incomplete work, tesis, internship, studyyy. ya Allah takde semangatnyaaaa. i know i should be takut sebab banyak benda tak siap. but im likeee a lost boy that not ready to be found. hmm sedih nyeee. sedihnyee kene hadapi benda ni sesorang. [nangis dalam hati jap]

im so confused. like fucking confuse. fuck fyp!

blabber, forest city jb

hey girls and guys,

so i just notice that my pageviews increase omg, haha setahu aku laa tak ramai pun org tahu pasal blog aku ni melainkan dia stalk aku. haha by the way, whoever you are, you are most welcome here.

happy chinese new year everyone!! gongxi gongxi

today my family had a short getaway to forest city, johor bahru. im not sure exact location dia kat mana either kat iskandar kepe. bcoz my father exit kat gelang patah. tapi tempat dia dekat je.

this is one of my family's fav spot kot untuk lunch dulu. tapi kira dah lama gilaa tak pergi sebab aku selalu kat asrama pastu aku masuk u lah pulak. then, siang tadi once again dapat merasa seafood kat situu. nama kedai tu yeo sekeluarga kepe tah. camtulaa. yang penting sotong masam manis dia sedap ngatt.

so basically, forest city yang aku pergi ni cam sebahagian daripada bandar yang bakal siap tak lama lagi. tadi tengok model dia. nampak canggih kot. dia buat cam 3 layer tau. kat  layer atas ada cam jalan utk lrt/ktm. second layer utk rumah. kira kat layer tu rumah jelah, takde kereta okayy. layer kat bawah baru ada jalan raya untuk kereta semua. unique doh. pastu, cam apartmen apartmen yg bakal siap ni boleh nampak pantai. omg how heaven is that.

 Taman reaksi+pantai dia lawa gilaaa i really wanna picnic here. so i guess we'lll stop here as i have other things to do. just drop by here to update this poor blog.

love, shae

stand by you

Hands, put your empty hands in mine
And scars, show me all the scars you hide
And hey, if your wings are broken
Please take mine so yours can open too
Cause I'm gonna stand by you
Oh, tears make kaleidoscopes in your eyes
And hurt, I know you're hurting, but so am I
And love, if your wings are broken
Borrow mine 'til yours can open too
Cause I'm gonna stand by you

even if we're breaking down, we can find a way to break through, even if we can't find heaven, i'll walk through hell with you

love, youre not alone coz i'm gonna stand by you 

 -Rachel Platten-

this is one of my favourite songs right now. the beat is like really catchy pastu lyrics dia pun cam really meaningful as i can relate to it. sukaaa sangat.

my final started yesterday. hehe. dah dua sleepless night dah ni. pagi tadi sumpah cam orang zombie time jawab paper petrochem. haha taktau laaa camne result petrochemm ni. elak repeat je. pleaseeee tamao repeat dahhh. takde masa ah nak repeat tahun depan dah dengan fyp ngn muet nyaaa. God please have mercy for my final exammm..

dahlaa semalam mama dengan papa datang sebelum paper reactorr. rasa terharuu sangat. rasa macam tak sanggup nak buat main main dah. thank youu.

BIRTHDAY ECAH, BOBREPUBLIC MUZZAFFAR

do check out this song from the chainsmokers. because i think it's really good. ear candy .

hey guyss, i should be studying right now, but i'm writing here instead. i really wanna post a new entry since its been a while. i wish i can found the right mood to study because i haven't done any studying that is efficient enough.

and my baby karlie is sick. i am so worried about her. all of her kittens slipped away. and i don't know where to find them. her breast is bengkak because there are milk stucks in there because no one drinks it. i feel so bad for her. and she is in fever. please pray for her.

you know, i've been struggling with this kind of things/feelings and i don't want to feel it anymore. i just wanna be positive. i just wanna feel okay and all. i hope one day i'd found the right thing to do to make it go away.

last night has been a great night. we drove to ayer keroh to celebrate ecah's birthday. there is this hipster-like place, 'Bobrepublic'. Thanks to pipah as i don't have idea for a good, nice, place. Bob republic is actually a good one, but i expected there's a lot of customers but there were few. or maybe its because we came on weekdays. maybe its fullhouse on weekends. the decorations is ok. the food is nice. as for me, i ordered this burger called DEAR LOVE. the burger is filled with beef bacon, beef meat and vegetables. and it's bread is black. this black color attracted me the most actually, besides the bacon. and the meat is so juicy i must say. and there is this one burger that look so unique, BURGER RAMEN. let's take a look on the burgers.

burger 'dear love'

dear love and sky high

burger ramen

i don't capture what khai and ecah were eating, that is salmon and chicken chop, but they taste good too. so here's some memories that i would like to share,,

fyi, the cake is brought at delizah cake house dekat pengkalan je. the cake taste good and it is less pricey too. sesuai utk kita kita yang student ni. yelah jimat jimat jugak, tapi apa la salah buat kawan happy setahun sekali. cewahh!

love, shera

why i got you on my mind

you didn't love me no, not really

hey gais, i don't know if you guys really exist or nah but if you do i just wanna say thank you and i appreciate you for spending your time here reading about what's going on in my life. i'm supposedly doing my reactor video right now but i'm really have zero motivation and really uninspired and not in the correct mood to do those things. i'm really in need of catalyst. maybe just anyone i love showing they care for me and just giving me a piece of advice or nice talks or nice texts or anything. but sadly, i had none of them. i have to depend 100% on myself, find the strength in myself, find my own spirit. there's a lot of people around me that claim that they care but i always doubt them. i always find it's hard to trust people. i always thought that it's unnecessary to express my feelings especially when i'm sad or mad or something isn't going right. because usually in the beginning people will act all nice but i'll have them leave in the end. and i'm sick of that. i'm so sick of that same old love/ relationship/ friendship/ bestfriendship.

i'm so sick of that same old love, that shit it tears me up, i'm so sick of that same old love my body had enough

 as a human, i have the fear of being alone. i bet everybody does. but, i also cannot bear the feeling when you stay with the wrong person. the one that didn't scared losing you because they thought you will never leave. i couldn't bear the pain staying with the one that treat me like i didnt worth. the one that never proud to have me around. that never remember things that i hate nor like. act like i dont matter at all. treat me like an option. the one that ignore my sadness like nothing happened. take my kindness for granted. these people are those that make me feel hard to fall asleep at night. one day, i will leave but not today. because i'm giving you chances. i hope one day you realize.

or maybe i'm better off alone. but i dont know. i always meet people that don't deserve me. this post may reflect negativity but that's just me saying my thought so daaa!

tomorrow i got lab session for reactor tech and lecture for process control which i found hard not to fall asleep to. i think the slide is too simple. she should have added color to make it more interesting or at least may reduce the sleepiness and the boredomness. i also find it hard to relate process control lecture with anything else so that i could understand the lecture. lol maybe its just me. but the make up that miss ruby wear is so stunning tho. her eye make up is so stunning but still couldn't resist me from feeling sleepy. #sorrynotsorry

iREALLYreallyREALLY need to complete this video thinggy this night laa. because i wanna go out this thursday night. to watch the new hunger games movie. yeay [happyface] but heyy my reactor video! [sadface] .

pens off now maybe, need to get back to work.

hurt

stone cold, stone cold, you see me standing but i'm dying at the floor, stone cold, stone cold maybe if i dont cry i won't feel anymore.....

stone cold by demi lovato. i'm listening to this song right now while i'm writing this post. best lagu ni, it suits demi's classy voice so well with strong high notes everywhere. for me, this song describe a very sad feeling, dissapointment, where she's trying hard to be happy eventhough her heart is breaking. she dont want to be stone cold anymore. actually i'm kinda sad right now. okay, so sebelum you guys baca lebih mendalam lagi, i just wanna tell you that i dont want to be harsh, but this is what i feel. i'm blessed with deep set of emotions and that's me.

why? there's so many reason but one of them is because of the way some people treat me. i think i dont deserve to be treated like that. i fuckin feel down you know when i've been treated like that. all my life i'm trying hard to accept myself for who i am. i'm trying hard to be happy with me. there's some time i feel like undeserving, i felt so lost, i felt like i dont want to hold on anymore, i felt like quitting, i felt like shit, i dont feel worth it, i cried, i bleed. aku rasa lemah sangat. tapi aku cuba simpan semua tu. aku biar je sakit kat dalam. aku cuba terima semua benda yang aku tak suka, aku cuba sayang kat diri aku. aku cuba hargai apa yang aku ada. apa capabilities aku. setiap kali aku tak dapat buat something, know that i tried hard. kau tahu tak apa perasaan bila kau dah bina defence dalam diri kau supaya sayang and percaya diri kau semua and ada manusia yang syaiton perangainya come and took it all away like that.

species yang suka look down dekat orang lain ni memang menjijikkan. can you go fuck yourself! kau ingat semua benda kau je yang capable nak buat? kau je yang pandai? just becoz you are louder, doesnt mean you are better. kau pandang rendah kat orang lain. you become deaf to other's opinion because you think ure wiser. semua benda kau je nak buat sebab kau kan pandai sangat bagus sangat kan. tak boleh macam tu, kau akan buat orang lain rasa macam tak dihargai, tak diperlukan it. lagipon its not individual work, its a group work. i fucking have rights, okay. tak tahulah kalau kau rasa aku ni tak matang benda kecik pon nak brag. suka hati aku lah. nak cakap aku emotional? just go on cakap lah apa pun . memang aku born this way pon. tak semua orang sama macam expectation kau. i fucking have feelings. and it hurts me. it fucking hurts. all this time, i fucking treat you well. eventho there's so many perangai kau yang very hurtful,rude and tah pape. i just pretended that i'm cool i'm okay i'm strong.

i kenot brain lah orang yang takde perasaan macam ni. may karma/kifarah strike you harder. sorry for harshing the words but i wont feel sorry for standing up for myself. lupa pulak aku nak cakap yang aku bersemangat je nak conduct eksperimen tu, but you fucking beriya you know? macam lah kau tahu semua benda. macam lah kau je yang boleh buat benda tu. pastu kalau kau nak mengeluh yang kau buat semua benda pon tak boleh okay. kau hanya boleh cakap yang kau beriya nak buat semua benda je. i fucking wanna help okay. tp bila kau dah beriya sangat sampai nak membelakangkan aku time aku nak tolong, aku dah takde mood okay. i really kenot brain your miss know it all perangai. buat lah sama sama. its not fucking INDIVIDUAL thinggy doh!