you didn't love me no, not really
hey gais, i don't know if you guys really exist or nah but if you do i just wanna say thank you and i appreciate you for spending your time here reading about what's going on in my life. i'm supposedly doing my reactor video right now but i'm really have zero motivation and really uninspired and not in the correct mood to do those things. i'm really in need of catalyst. maybe just anyone i love showing they care for me and just giving me a piece of advice or nice talks or nice texts or anything. but sadly, i had none of them. i have to depend 100% on myself, find the strength in myself, find my own spirit. there's a lot of people around me that claim that they care but i always doubt them. i always find it's hard to trust people. i always thought that it's unnecessary to express my feelings especially when i'm sad or mad or something isn't going right. because usually in the beginning people will act all nice but i'll have them leave in the end. and i'm sick of that. i'm so sick of that same old love/ relationship/ friendship/ bestfriendship.
i'm so sick of that same old love, that shit it tears me up, i'm so sick of that same old love my body had enough
as a human, i have the fear of being alone. i bet everybody does. but, i also cannot bear the feeling when you stay with the wrong person. the one that didn't scared losing you because they thought you will never leave. i couldn't bear the pain staying with the one that treat me like i didnt worth. the one that never proud to have me around. that never remember things that i hate nor like. act like i dont matter at all. treat me like an option. the one that ignore my sadness like nothing happened. take my kindness for granted. these people are those that make me feel hard to fall asleep at night. one day, i will leave but not today. because i'm giving you chances. i hope one day you realize.
or maybe i'm better off alone. but i dont know. i always meet people that don't deserve me. this post may reflect negativity but that's just me saying my thought so daaa!
tomorrow i got lab session for reactor tech and lecture for process control which i found hard not to fall asleep to. i think the slide is too simple. she should have added color to make it more interesting or at least may reduce the sleepiness and the boredomness. i also find it hard to relate process control lecture with anything else so that i could understand the lecture. lol maybe its just me. but the make up that miss ruby wear is so stunning tho. her eye make up is so stunning but still couldn't resist me from feeling sleepy. #sorrynotsorry
iREALLYreallyREALLY need to complete this video thinggy this night laa. because i wanna go out this thursday night. to watch the new hunger games movie. yeay [happyface] but heyy my reactor video! [sadface] .
pens off now maybe, need to get back to work.
tomorrow i got lab session for reactor tech and lecture for process control which i found hard not to fall asleep to. i think the slide is too simple. she should have added color to make it more interesting or at least may reduce the sleepiness and the boredomness. i also find it hard to relate process control lecture with anything else so that i could understand the lecture. lol maybe its just me. but the make up that miss ruby wear is so stunning tho. her eye make up is so stunning but still couldn't resist me from feeling sleepy. #sorrynotsorry
iREALLYreallyREALLY need to complete this video thinggy this night laa. because i wanna go out this thursday night. to watch the new hunger games movie. yeay [happyface] but heyy my reactor video! [sadface] .
pens off now maybe, need to get back to work.
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