hurt

stone cold, stone cold, you see me standing but i'm dying at the floor, stone cold, stone cold maybe if i dont cry i won't feel anymore.....

stone cold by demi lovato. i'm listening to this song right now while i'm writing this post. best lagu ni, it suits demi's classy voice so well with strong high notes everywhere. for me, this song describe a very sad feeling, dissapointment, where she's trying hard to be happy eventhough her heart is breaking. she dont want to be stone cold anymore. actually i'm kinda sad right now. okay, so sebelum you guys baca lebih mendalam lagi, i just wanna tell you that i dont want to be harsh, but this is what i feel. i'm blessed with deep set of emotions and that's me.

why? there's so many reason but one of them is because of the way some people treat me. i think i dont deserve to be treated like that. i fuckin feel down you know when i've been treated like that. all my life i'm trying hard to accept myself for who i am. i'm trying hard to be happy with me. there's some time i feel like undeserving, i felt so lost, i felt like i dont want to hold on anymore, i felt like quitting, i felt like shit, i dont feel worth it, i cried, i bleed. aku rasa lemah sangat. tapi aku cuba simpan semua tu. aku biar je sakit kat dalam. aku cuba terima semua benda yang aku tak suka, aku cuba sayang kat diri aku. aku cuba hargai apa yang aku ada. apa capabilities aku. setiap kali aku tak dapat buat something, know that i tried hard. kau tahu tak apa perasaan bila kau dah bina defence dalam diri kau supaya sayang and percaya diri kau semua and ada manusia yang syaiton perangainya come and took it all away like that.

species yang suka look down dekat orang lain ni memang menjijikkan. can you go fuck yourself! kau ingat semua benda kau je yang capable nak buat? kau je yang pandai? just becoz you are louder, doesnt mean you are better. kau pandang rendah kat orang lain. you become deaf to other's opinion because you think ure wiser. semua benda kau je nak buat sebab kau kan pandai sangat bagus sangat kan. tak boleh macam tu, kau akan buat orang lain rasa macam tak dihargai, tak diperlukan it. lagipon its not individual work, its a group work. i fucking have rights, okay. tak tahulah kalau kau rasa aku ni tak matang benda kecik pon nak brag. suka hati aku lah. nak cakap aku emotional? just go on cakap lah apa pun . memang aku born this way pon. tak semua orang sama macam expectation kau. i fucking have feelings. and it hurts me. it fucking hurts. all this time, i fucking treat you well. eventho there's so many perangai kau yang very hurtful,rude and tah pape. i just pretended that i'm cool i'm okay i'm strong.

i kenot brain lah orang yang takde perasaan macam ni. may karma/kifarah strike you harder. sorry for harshing the words but i wont feel sorry for standing up for myself. lupa pulak aku nak cakap yang aku bersemangat je nak conduct eksperimen tu, but you fucking beriya you know? macam lah kau tahu semua benda. macam lah kau je yang boleh buat benda tu. pastu kalau kau nak mengeluh yang kau buat semua benda pon tak boleh okay. kau hanya boleh cakap yang kau beriya nak buat semua benda je. i fucking wanna help okay. tp bila kau dah beriya sangat sampai nak membelakangkan aku time aku nak tolong, aku dah takde mood okay. i really kenot brain your miss know it all perangai. buat lah sama sama. its not fucking INDIVIDUAL thinggy doh!